I know that this statement is against popular beliefs and maybe even common sense (a bit), but I cannot help it:
That's right. When all of you dream of giving your tired stinky feet some fresh air in sandals, eating ice cream, sunbathing and girls sundressing up, I dream of hibernation, just like bears do in winter.
Why do I think summer sucks?
1. The heat
I hate the heat. When the temperature goes above 20 C, I sweat like a racing horse, suffer from constant dehydration, cannot think straight and get depressed. Whenever I hear of someone spending their summer holidays in Greece, Egypt or Turkey, I ask myself, where a human being's self-destruction mechanism is going to stop. Thus, despite of throwing away umbrellas broken by wind and getting soaking wet few times a month, I do not regret living in Ireland. I'm freezing and loving it!
2. Children let out loose
Children are alwais a pain in the arse, but it gets even worse during summer. They yell, call each other names, beg for a cigarette, spill soda on each other etc. I kinda feel for them - they're just bored, being our of school for the whole 2 months. If you let an animal bred in captivity into the wild, it cannot adapt either.
Don't even get me started on Spanish school trips in Dublin, ugh.
3. Staphylococcus aureus waiting just round the corner
Ice cream anyone? Come on, this poor Staphylococcus has a bunch of itteh bitteh bacteria to feed!
4. Killing sunrays
You never know when it's this one-minute-too-much of staying out of shadow. Before you know it, your skin is red like on a roast pig, sunstroke makes drink you a river and a skin on your nose makes you sing "The falling leaves". If that sneaky prick the sun hides behind the clouds in the morning, you might find yourself forgetting your sunglasses and shedding tears for the rest of the day. Or week. In my case rather the latter.
5. Cultural desert
Shitty movies coming out, museums and libraries closing early, nothing interesting on TV (not that I have any, call me a hipster or whatever). And everything filled with tourists anyway.
Which leads to the next point...
6. Crowd everywhere
How about visiting some interesting place? Awesome! - said roughly half of the population of Europe. I'm not even talking of Notre Dame, Eiffel tower, Colosseum, Temple Bar and all those places you'd take a photo of (with you in a foreground) to pimp your facebook profile - these spots are crowded all year long and summer is no different from the middle of December (true story). During summer crowd is EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Planes, buses, trains, pubs, clubs, restaurants, museums, cafes, parks, beaches, even bloody pavements on my way to work. All the places you think of going - that hateful crowd is already there, violating your private space and making you want to accuse them of sexual harassment. I'm not exactly the most sociable person on Earth and each time I manage to improve my attitude, any summer day ruins it.
7. Dreadful fashion
I hate sandals, bright colours and light fabrics. I love tall, steelcap boots, wool, turtlenecks - and all that in black, gray or purple. When summer comes, I have to place all my favourite cloths in a storage. As if it wasn't complicated enough, during summer it takes more time and effort to look, if not hot, then at least half-decent. All that cleavages and short pants require more shaving, pedicure and maybe even getting tanned (eww at the very idea of holding still for such a trivial idea like looking better, what a waste of time - believe it or not, but I am actually writing all this while waiting for my nail polish to dry up). You cannot simply cover everything up with geisha style make-up and thick thights. I hate that whole hassle about being feminine.
8. Life exploding straight to my face
Mosquitos lusting for my blood like Edward Cullen himself (3 bites this year, so far, round my ankles of course, which could probably get me to the top of Ministry of Silly Walks).
Fat, bold flies that piss my cat off (2 permanent residents in my place so far, they would not pay the rent, which is just unfair).
Water stinking of rotten eggs.
Gardens smell nice indeed, but still I prefer their smell during springtime.
Sure, I do like when it's not raining and it's awesome instead. But isn't it the case during any other season as well? In Ireland it's like a lottery anyway. Personally I prefer sunlight in autumn, it's mild, warm, harmless and makes my photos look swell.
Probably the only good thing about summer are the songs about it.
I HATE SUMMER
That's right. When all of you dream of giving your tired stinky feet some fresh air in sandals, eating ice cream, sunbathing and girls sundressing up, I dream of hibernation, just like bears do in winter.
Why do I think summer sucks?
1. The heat
I hate the heat. When the temperature goes above 20 C, I sweat like a racing horse, suffer from constant dehydration, cannot think straight and get depressed. Whenever I hear of someone spending their summer holidays in Greece, Egypt or Turkey, I ask myself, where a human being's self-destruction mechanism is going to stop. Thus, despite of throwing away umbrellas broken by wind and getting soaking wet few times a month, I do not regret living in Ireland. I'm freezing and loving it!
 |
| Note to HR: I believe my office requires some rearrangement. |
2. Children let out loose
Children are alwais a pain in the arse, but it gets even worse during summer. They yell, call each other names, beg for a cigarette, spill soda on each other etc. I kinda feel for them - they're just bored, being our of school for the whole 2 months. If you let an animal bred in captivity into the wild, it cannot adapt either.
Don't even get me started on Spanish school trips in Dublin, ugh.
 |
| It takes actual magic to put the little bastards in order during summer. |
3. Staphylococcus aureus waiting just round the corner
Ice cream anyone? Come on, this poor Staphylococcus has a bunch of itteh bitteh bacteria to feed!
 |
| Just wait until it melts all over your fingers and lick it. Get sugar rush and nasty comments, if you're a woman. BTW, did you know that "making ice cream" in Polish slang means "make me a bj"? ;) |
4. Killing sunrays
You never know when it's this one-minute-too-much of staying out of shadow. Before you know it, your skin is red like on a roast pig, sunstroke makes drink you a river and a skin on your nose makes you sing "The falling leaves". If that sneaky prick the sun hides behind the clouds in the morning, you might find yourself forgetting your sunglasses and shedding tears for the rest of the day. Or week. In my case rather the latter.
 |
| Falling asleep in the sun: quite a dork indeed. BTW, thanks to that movie I've learned my very first English offensive word (dork). I was less than 8. |
5. Cultural desert
Shitty movies coming out, museums and libraries closing early, nothing interesting on TV (not that I have any, call me a hipster or whatever). And everything filled with tourists anyway.
 |
| Summer repertoir in the biggest multiplex cinema in Dublin. Usually that list is twice long, at least. What should I watch: "Pirates of No Brain", "Apocalypse Now - Well, 40 fucking years ago, actually", some crappy animation for retards and children, or maybe American clone of "Azumi"? Wow, tough choice! |
Which leads to the next point...
6. Crowd everywhere
How about visiting some interesting place? Awesome! - said roughly half of the population of Europe. I'm not even talking of Notre Dame, Eiffel tower, Colosseum, Temple Bar and all those places you'd take a photo of (with you in a foreground) to pimp your facebook profile - these spots are crowded all year long and summer is no different from the middle of December (true story). During summer crowd is EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Planes, buses, trains, pubs, clubs, restaurants, museums, cafes, parks, beaches, even bloody pavements on my way to work. All the places you think of going - that hateful crowd is already there, violating your private space and making you want to accuse them of sexual harassment. I'm not exactly the most sociable person on Earth and each time I manage to improve my attitude, any summer day ruins it.
 |
| Let's meet at the beach and swim in somebody's pee! |
7. Dreadful fashion
I hate sandals, bright colours and light fabrics. I love tall, steelcap boots, wool, turtlenecks - and all that in black, gray or purple. When summer comes, I have to place all my favourite cloths in a storage. As if it wasn't complicated enough, during summer it takes more time and effort to look, if not hot, then at least half-decent. All that cleavages and short pants require more shaving, pedicure and maybe even getting tanned (eww at the very idea of holding still for such a trivial idea like looking better, what a waste of time - believe it or not, but I am actually writing all this while waiting for my nail polish to dry up). You cannot simply cover everything up with geisha style make-up and thick thights. I hate that whole hassle about being feminine.
 |
| Not only looks stylish but also feels nicer to touch, because it's always way more smooth than a skin. Yes, gentlemen ;) |
8. Life exploding straight to my face
Mosquitos lusting for my blood like Edward Cullen himself (3 bites this year, so far, round my ankles of course, which could probably get me to the top of Ministry of Silly Walks).
Fat, bold flies that piss my cat off (2 permanent residents in my place so far, they would not pay the rent, which is just unfair).
Water stinking of rotten eggs.
Gardens smell nice indeed, but still I prefer their smell during springtime.
Sure, I do like when it's not raining and it's awesome instead. But isn't it the case during any other season as well? In Ireland it's like a lottery anyway. Personally I prefer sunlight in autumn, it's mild, warm, harmless and makes my photos look swell.
Summer, GTFO!
Probably the only good thing about summer are the songs about it.
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